The Uruguayan Comedy of Errors
Our day trip to Colonia, Uruguay was memorable for all of the wrong reasons…
Some families watch Disney or TV sitcoms on weekends, but ours binge-watches travel and nature shows. We have literally watched every episode of Anthony Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” and in one episode, Anthony ate his way through Colonia and Montevideo Uruguay. Knowing that we would be reuniting with Kapil’s parents (Deepak and Vijaya), uncle (Kailash), and cousin (Aseem) in Buenos Aires for a few days, we planned to follow Bourdain’s footsteps and take the short ferry ride over to Uruguay for the day. And besides, who wouldn’t want to add one more keychain, dollar, and passport stamp to their global collection of countries visited?
The morning started with a 90% forecast of heavy showers, but that was the only day we would be able to do the trip, before heading out to check-off a long-awaited bucket list item, Iguazu Falls. We took our three taxis to the ferry terminal building and began the long process of immigration and boarding lines, an hour before departure.
Excitedly, we boarded the expedited ferry, which resembled the inside of a shopping mall foyer and were momentarily astonished by the size of the ship which easily held thousands of passengers and hundreds of cars. Since most of the seats were occupied, we split-up into pairs and scurried to find somewhere to sit for the next hour.
Upon arriving to the Colonia Ferry Terminal, we looked for signs for our “walking tour” included in the package, but none were to be found. One of the terminal staff directed us to a kiosk line for more information. I stood in the short line, but learned that I needed a “walking tour voucher” that had not been printed at the ticket office the day before. I was directed to another location, another line. My Uncle joined me and we waited patiently until we arrived to the counter, only to be told that we had to go to yet another office. Well, this party of nine will not be stopped from an excellent walking tour, that we have already paid for, no less! So, we sprinted over to the third office to obtain the printed voucher.
Now before I explain this next part, you need to know that having traveled 5 months in Latin American countries, Kapil and I have learned that most people truly do not speak English so for the most part we just speak Spanish until the person replies in English or we hit a “Spanglish moment” due to a lack of vocabulary knowledge. Therefore, having obtained the needed paper and waited in the now insanely long line back at the first kiosk, I thought it best to quickly get the information for the tour’s meet-up point in Spanish. The staff member scribbled a star on my voucher, gave me a map, tour schedule, and told me to arrive at the meet-up point at any of the times. Why this needed a line, I have no idea. The information could have all been handed to us at the ticketing office the day before. But YAY! We were now officially in URUGUAY!!
We walked outside and were affronted with extreme, sticky, heat. It was awful just walking three blocks to the general direction of the meet-up point. Why hadn’t I booked the AC Bus tour instead? Ugh. At this point, we were in a predicament. With 30 minutes to go until the tour, should we wait in the heat or just walk around and explore? Should we eat first or tour first? We walked up and down a block and decided to grab a few snacks and do the tour first to orient ourselves to Colonia.
Nearly two hours after arriving in Uruguay, and now drenched with sweat, we lined-up for the tour. Our guide was the very same woman who gave me the map in the terminal and she proceeded to examine her own scribbled star on the voucher as she greeted me. I motioned to the family to come over, as I asked if we had to go to a separate spot for English-speakers. She suddenly looked at me with surprise on her face. In Spanish she asked, “What do you mean English? You spoke to me in Spanish.”
“Yes,” I continued in Spanish, still not knowing if she spoke English, “but nobody else speaks Spanish in my family.” Just then, as if on cue, Kapil asks *in Spanish* which line to stand in! She looked at me and continues in Spanish, “but isn’t that your husband who just spoke Spanish?”
I, then, brought the rest of the family over to prove that the rest really didn’t understand a word of Spanish. She was still very upset and asked (in Spanish), “Well, why did you speak to me in Spanish?” <EYE ROLL> “Look,” I replied (still in Spanish), “this voucher (that she had starred twice) says ‘English Tour’ so where do we need to go?”
“Well, there is no more English Tour,” she stated in plain English! I switched to English too. “What do you mean? Is it a different schedule? We paid for this and we have already wasted two hours.”
Exasperated, she pulled out her cell phone and began calling another staff member. She then told me to walk three blocks, past two seawalls, to meet up with an English guide/group. I was so annoyed. I had no idea where we were supposed to meet and whom I was looking for. We walked around in circles before we finally “found” the tour group with the other staff member that had been at the terminal counter!
Five minutes of the tour confirmed the existence of three major issues. First, the guide had an extremely basic command of English. Second, the content was lacking greatly, in that she was just pointing out museums that could be visited later. Finally, she spoke in a very soft voice, so nobody could hear her. After having hustled and bustled to join the tour, all of NINE of us quietly ducked out as the group turned the corner!
We now had just enough time to eat and visit some of the museums before heading back to the ferry terminal for Argentina. I saw an olive oil and wine shop and suggested that we try some tasting for whomever was interested. The shopkeeper assured me that there were three olive oils and two wines to “taste”. We tallied family members interested in each and happily proceeded to an air-conditioned room. The next 30 minutes consisted of trying to pass around HUGE glasses of wine that were supposed to be “tasting pours” and trying to lick out the tiniest taste of olive oil that was served! We giggled at the mismatch of expectations but were still in high spirits and ready for lunch.
On the way out of the shop, it began to downpour. We were right by a Spanish restaurant but decided to venture onwards to a special, highly-rated traditional Uruguayan lunch five blocks away. We trotted through the rain, getting soaked to the bone, only to find an abandoned building site aside a closed pub! We huddled in a corner and plugged in another address for a secondary restaurant site just three minutes away. Once again, we braved the rain and headed to the new location. However, in arriving at the GPS site, our restaurant seemed to have been replaced by another. I learned that the restaurant that we were searching for had closed seven years ago! Oh no! By now, we were all hungry and this place looked good enough.
Kapil helping his parents with rain ponchos, two hours after the hottest/stickiest climate!
Unfortunately, the next nearly two hours were a complete waste. The restaurant was understaffed and the one waitress abruptly left us (for 15 mins) in the middle of us ordering, served us inedible pizza (the crust was so hard it was nearly breaking teeth), and forgot to bring my order!
I felt horrible. Uruguay had been my idea and it was proving to be a wasted day. The family was so generous with their forgiveness and kindness. “After all,” they reassured, “the point is to be together.” My father-in-law and I were chatting on what a mess the day had been when he lovingly said, “don’t worry, our vista from the lighthouse will save the day.” I agreed and we ushered the group that way.
By now, it had stopped raining, and luckily the temperature had cooled…but the sky was still grey, as if it wasn’t quite finished with its mood. As we approached the lighthouse, I noticed that the line had oddly vanished, but it wasn’t until Kapil, who was leading the way, yelled out, “it’s closed due to bad weather.” What? I stood in amazement of our bad luck. We subsequently learned that the few “museum” exhibitions near the lighthouse only took Uruguayan money (contrary to the tour guide’s information), which none of us had. With only 40 minutes left until ferry check-in time, we ate some ice cream (using a credit card), took some pictures, and headed back to board our ferry, “Silvia Ana L” :)
The closed Lighthouse that we never entered!
In the end, we paid $58 USD per person to travel for a total of four hours, wait in a few lines, eat inedible pizza, and walk through a rainstorm! The day did not at all mirror Anthony Bourdain’s time in Uruguay, but it was spent with loved ones laughing away the misfortunes…and I couldn’t help but think that Tony might have been comforted by such an uneventful but memorable traveling experience. And we all got that extra passport stamp…#stillgratefulandblessed
In the end, family togetherness was what we were after…and we definitely achieved that goal!
15 Likes, 1 Comments - Franklin Street Globetrotters (@franklin_street_globetrotters) on Instagram: "Our day in Colonia, Uruguay 🇺🇾 was one for the books...but for all of the wrong reasons! Nothing..."
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