Tasting Real Fear
I am writing from the comfort of land, while the kids are fast asleep. I’ve checked on them three times since I laid my head down last night. We had quite the day yesterday, and luckily, have lived to tell the tale.
We spent two amazing days in Banos, Ecuador, which is a beautiful town nestled at the foothills of the last part of the Sierra mountain range. It is the beginning of the Andes region and is home to one of the most active volcanoes in Ecuador, Tungurahua.
We decided that we would spend the days adventuring in nature and found a great tour group to help us engage in our canyoning and white-water rafting experiences. Our canyoning adventure involved thrilling, and safe repelling down 27 meters (~89 ft) waterfalls and the kids LOVED the day. Our next day of rafting, however, moved us into a realm beyond “superficial enjoyment” and reminded us of the power of nature.
We were lucky that the tour company knew us so well, after spending a day canyoning with them. They suggested that we raft the lower part of the Pastaza river which consisted of class 2 and 3 rapids. Kapil and I have rafted a few times before (mainly class 3 and 4 rapids) and Zayan has been rafting once before (class 2 and 3 rapids). Kenza and Kaysan were new to rafting, and this was our first time going as a family.
The guide, Pata (AKA Pat) was terrifically energetic and brought his two kids on the raft with us (Zayan and Kenza’s ages). We also had a guide, William, on a safety kayak, traveling along with us. There were two other rafts and three other safety kayaks (from another company), mainly carrying locals (because the more adventurous tourists were presumably on the upper section of the river with higher rapid classes). The water was cold and the river looked calm, and while Zayan seemed disappointed that the rapids would be too tame, we all agreed to enjoy the experience as a family.
The first three rapids were fun and a great way to acquaint the younger two kids with the sport. Kapil and I were in the front, Zayan and Pata’s son in the middle, Kenza and Pata’s daughter in the third row, Kaysee was somewhere in the back middle (and sometimes on piggy-back on the safety kayak during calm stretches of water).
In fact, it was so calm and the kids were having so much fun, that we started taking turns on who got to sit on the front row. Kenza and Zayan moved up to the front as we approached the last rapid of the day. Just as we went down the first bump, Pata yelled, “Forward. 1, 2, 1,2…” and I could see that Kenza and Zayan weren’t rowing in sync, nor strongly enough. Within a matter of seconds, we hit the side of a cliff and the entire 8-person raft capsized.
If I close my eyes, I can see it in slow motion. It was like the time I rolled my car 20 years ago…you can see it in slow motion, you know it is bad news, there is nothing you can do to stop it, and later, it is a memory that you can recall at a moment’s notice for the rest of your life. Kapil and Kaysee were well behind me. I looked in front and watched Kenza and Zayan get thrown in the water with the boat landing on top of them.
My heart skipped. I panicked. I too was being pummeled. I tried to grab ahold of the side of the raft and as I managed to grasp a handle, I tried lifting it. I was helpless. I was scared. My kids were under the boat and I was sure they were panicked and running out of air. I screamed, “my kids…my kids…” It was horrible. In fact, as I write this, I cannot hold back the tears in remembering that moment…that fear of being a helpless parent…screaming…praying.
A safety kayaker told me (in Spanish) to get on top of the boat (which was now right side up). I realized that Pata’s daughter, Amy was right next to me and terrified. I held her hand but continued to yell in Spanish that my kids were under the boat. He firmly replied to get back into the boat with Amy and I felt someone push me onboard. When I got on, I thankfully saw Kenza and Zayan holding onto a safety kayak. Zayan looked absolutely terrified and Kenza was bawling. I scanned for Kaysee and met Kapil’s eye. He motioned that Kaysee was coming up the other side of the boat. I turned and saw him bawling too. I was so relieved. We got the kids safely on the boat and hugged them all. Everyone was terrified and there was a somber silence on the raft as we floated to the end.
The kids talked about the experience for the next five hours. We talked as a family about how God and angels are looking after us and how important it is to respect the river and the power of nature (regardless of how it appears). The kids talked about how they felt and watched the Go-Pro video to see what it might have looked like. They all shared what thoughts went through their mind in that moment:
· Zayan (11 years): “Is this really how it is going to end?”
· Kenza (8 years): Just felt really scared. She also shared, “Mommy, I don’t know what your birth mom looked like, but I think I saw her there for a split second.”
· Kaysan (6 years): “I knew we might die on this trip but I didn’t think it would be rafting.”
Kapil and I processed separately, as parents, too. Kapil so rightfully commented, “they all grew up a little bit in that experience…it is the first time they have experienced true fear.” Kapil also let family know what had happened and encouraged everyone to emphasize the kids’ bravery in responding to the situation (as opposed to not doing such activities in the first place).
-—
Two days later, we are calmer, and the kids are starting to talk about their next rafting experience. Kaysee said, “even though it wasn’t fun in the moment, now looking back, I think it was a little fun. I want to be a rafting instructor when I am an adult and raft class 5 rapids.” Zayan feels more experienced and confident for the next rafting trip, though he commented, “we will let strong paddlers stay in front and not switch seats.” Kenza maintains that she is not rafting again (at least not anytime soon)…I can’t say I blame her.
This is the raw footage from the Go-Pro camera that was on Kapil’s head. It gives you a sense of the chaos of the event.
Created with the #GoPro App on my iPhone.
