Mattress Corner Moments
Being present with the kids 24/7 affords us time to stop and process events and moments that we would otherwise never witness or be too busy to deal with. Though challenging at times, the moments we share together, offer us windows of insight into the kids’ development and our self-growth. While in Patagonia, Zayan and I were lucky enough to spontaneously explore one of these windows in a pretty profound analogy…one worth recording.
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Having trekked three days and 70 kilometers on the famous “W” circuit of Torres del Paine, we were all tired. The Refugio/lodge dorm room that we stayed in had three double bunk beds that we needed to make up with sheets and blankets. The plan was to make our beds, wash-up before dinner, eat, and crash early so we could be fresh for the next day’s hike.
Kapil and I started working on beds, sorting out the sheet sets and divvying them up on each bed. We knew we would have to help the kids, but we also wanted them to all try to do their best on their own. Kaysee decided he would lay blankets on the top of the beds when they were done and Kenza went to town on trying to make her bed on her own, knowing that we would come and help if she needed it. Zayan, sat on the bed, as if waiting for us to work on it with him.
I told Zayan that he could start on his own bed, with the fitted sheet first. As I instructed him, it hit me that he had likely never put a fitted sheet on his top-bunk bed at home. I told him that the last corner is always the hardest and he should pick the corner that is easiest for the end.
I watched out of the corner of my eye, while he struggled with the sheet as the previously fitted corners kept popping out as he moved to the next. Exasperated, I heard him grumble, “forget it, I’ll just sleep on it like this (half done).”
I immediately responded that he could not do that especially since it was a bed used by thousands of people and that he needed to try harder. He was frustrated and unsuccessfully tried again. He then mumbled to himself, “I hate bunk beds,” followed by, “I hope I make enough money to never have to put a fitted sheet on my mattress when I grow up.”
The kids know that one of my MAJOR triggers is “privileged-thinking”. Unfortunately, when I hear comments that signal elitism, I semi-lose it and begin lecturing about resilience, grit, and the importance of kind-hearted-humility. In all honesty, our kids are grounded and far from spoiled, but it is a huge family value that they continue to be grateful and aware of their privilege while striving to work hard and help others.
Zayan’s comment set me off. I insisted that he needed to learn this skill and that he would be fitting the sheet on his own bed, from now on at home. Kapil knew that this was something that Zayan and I would see to the end, so he quietly continued working on the other beds, while I went to Zayan’s.
I noticed that he had saved the farthest corner of the mattress from him for last…but I didn’t correct it. Instead, I reached over and lifted the mattress by resting my arm on the bunk frame and fitted the corner. I am not going to lie. It actually was quite difficult, but it was not NOT impossible. I could see Zayan was momentarily relieved that it was done, before I removed the sheet again for him to try the last corner. I stood calmly by his side and said, “this needs to be done and it is a skill you need to learn.”
Enraged, he tried again but to no avail. I started to cheerlead and express my confidence in his ability to complete this task. He was so upset and just sat down and said, “I give up.” I took a deep breath to mitigate my frustration and sat down next to him on his bed. I explained that everyone hates the last mattress corner and that they are super hard to fit, but yet beds are made everyday. I continued, “I’m not doing this to be mean to you. I am doing this to support you in learning a skill.”
“What skill? Making a bed? Who cares?” Zayan questioned.
“No. Not just a ‘making bed skill’ but a reminder that life is full of ‘mattress corner moments’…and they are hard, but you CAN do them if you put your mind to it. If you know that quitting isn’t an option and you have a positive attitude, then you will strategize a way to get it done.”
Zayan teared. This wasn’t about mattresses and fitted sheets anymore. We both knew this was about believing in himself. We hugged while I whispered, “you can do it…you can do anything with enough effort and strategy.”
We took a deep breath together and stood up. On the very next try, Zayan mastered that mattress corner. He subtly beamed with pride for his quick mastery and I clapped for him. “Remember this moment,” I shouted, “you are the mattress corner king!” He was embarrassed, but I knew we had just made a memory that just might serve him throughout the rest of his life.
